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Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: ihscomputers ()
Date: January 10, 2018 04:27AM

A rather ‘frustrated’ woman went to the supermarket to try to take her mind off her overly erotic thoughts.

As she moved through the aisles she saw bananas and apples and so many things that made her recall rather than forget her erotic mood.

She ended up buying far more than she needed.

When she arrived at the checkout there was a young man packing bags.

As he packed her bags his muscles gleamed under the fluorescent lights and she could make out the contours of his fit body under his tight T-shirt and trousers.

She could hardly control herself.

She paid the cashier, then asked the young man if he could help her to her car with her many heavy bags of groceries.

The young man willingly obliged.

As they walked through the parking lot, the lady finally lost control.

She grabbed his butt and said “I have an itchy p*ssy”.

He replied “You’ll have to show me where it is because all these Japanese cars look the same to me”.
grinning smiley

Dean F. Gemberling
Columbus, Georgia


1963 Rampside w/305 V8 - Built by Ken Arnold in 1998

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: Lane66m ()
Date: January 10, 2018 04:43AM

Ok.

And now mine to lighten the mood.

Al Lane
Ellabell GA

1966 Monza Coupe, 110 hp, 4 Spd
1968 Camaro SS Coupe 350 CI 295+ HP PG
1964 Greenbrier Deluxe, 6 dr, 80 hp car engine, PG
2015 Chevrolet Malibu 2LT
2015 GMC Sierra SLT Crew Cab
1947 Farmall A tractor 15 hp


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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: gmgmtl ()
Date: January 10, 2018 09:08AM

Well Dean you have just lost your chance at being the head of a Hollywood Studio, talk show host, Fortune 500 CEO, senator and the president of the...
nope that one would still be open.
GMoore

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: igottajob2 ()
Date: January 10, 2018 09:58AM

:smileys with beerD well played sir haha

Minneapolis,MN

1965 500 Coupe
95HP

Built the 1st week of April of 65 at willow run.
500 coupe. The only factory accessory is a rear antenna.
White with a red interior.
Now black with black and red interior.


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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: MattNall ()
Date: January 10, 2018 10:21AM

Here ya go!

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: gmgmtl ()
Date: January 10, 2018 11:09AM

Matt, It's not called the cool table it is the "Table of Knowledge".
Something like this...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2018 11:15AM by gmgmtl.

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: Caraholic4life ()
Date: January 10, 2018 02:14PM

OK, Since this thread has started, it reminded me of a thread I saw on another site. Below are cut and pasted from there.
What this means is I shouldn't be given any credit for being funny here, maybe for repeating it though...grinning smiley

This was the initial post.

MY TRAVEL PLANS FOR 2018

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

This was one of the follow up posts.

I swear that sounds like the same trip I took last year. The only difference was I was in ferno but didn’t stay very long because it was so hot.

Another follow up.

As far as being driven to Sane, I think some of us are within easy walking distance. Any resemblance to the previous posters is strictly accidental. (or not). lol

This was my reply.

Every once in a while when in visible, I will pretend to be in sane just as a reality check.

Some folks say I have been in valuable but don't recall that as being accurate, maybe I was actually in dispensable instead.

I have been to deep end but couldn't drive so I jumped in stead.

One day I would like to be in dianapolis but there is no hurry.

One place I suspect some of us share, is being in two places at the same time, maybe we can plan an event there and it will become a good memory.eye rolling smiley

1965 Monza Coupe
Westminster, Maryland

MID ENG enthusiast &
prior Kelmark owner.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2018 02:15PM by Caraholic4life.

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: MattNall ()
Date: January 10, 2018 02:41PM

OOPS here's some car Humor...



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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: toms73novass ()
Date: January 10, 2018 03:32PM

Texas Chili cookoff:

Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy Shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb @#$%& is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! !

CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

FRANK: You could put a #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit, to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

FRANK: - - - - - Mama?- - - (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).

-Tom


63' Monza Spyder Convertable (in process) MY Build Thread
73' NovaSS 454 Big block
86' BMW 325es
98' Dodge 2500 12v Cummins Diesel with 1200 lb torque!
98' VW Jetta TDI, for daughter
01' Audi Allroad Stage 3 twin turbo

NFCC
Grand Island, NY

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Date: January 10, 2018 06:41PM

a little "ur-a-peein" humor...

Vun day, Sven vas valking down da street ven who did he see driving a fabulous Corsa Turbo Conbertibal? ? It vas Ole.
Ole pulled up to him vit a vide smile.

“Ole, vere did ya get dat car?” Sven asked.

“Lena, she gave it to me”.

“She gave it to you? I knew she vas sveet on you, but dis?”.

“Vell, let me tell you vat happened. Ve vere driving out on county road 9, in da middle of novere. Lena pulled off da road into da woods. She parked, got out of da car, trew off alla her clothes and said, “Ole take vatever you vant.”........


So I took da car”


“Ole, your a smart man - dem clothes never voulda fit ya.”


Dan Davis ~ Pierce County, WA ~ CORSA Western Director + Corvairs NW + North Cascades Corvairs + Corvanatics
1966 Corsa Turbo coupe ~ ~ 1966 140 Corsa ~ ~ 1965 Monza 140/4 'Vert Sierra Tan/Fawn ~ 1964 Monza 'Vert (SOLD) ~ 1960 Monza Ermine White/Red PG ++ ~ 1965 Monza 140/4 Evening Orchid w/ ivory/black interior ~ 1962 Monza Wagon 102/4 ~ 1963 Rampside/Scamper ~ 1963 Red/Greenbrier ~ 1969 Ultra Van #468

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: john.jackson ()
Date: January 10, 2018 06:54PM

Dan,

Thanks for that one. Suits us old car farts.

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: 2ragtops ()
Date: January 10, 2018 08:08PM

I crossed a belt with a watch but it didn't work out, it was a waist of time.smiling bouncing smiley

Bob Bauer

Show-Me Corvairs

1966 Monza Convert 140 P/G with A/C, plastic wheel with tele-column am-fm posi-traction
1966 Corsa Convert 180 wood wheel tele-column am-fm sport steering posi-traction
1965 Corsa Coupe Crown V8 mounted mid-body temporarily red lined for repair
House Springs, Missouri

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: American Mel ()
Date: January 10, 2018 08:34PM

If you wire up your horn back-wards, . . . . .
Will it suck instead of blow?

Why do we drive on Parkways, and park on Driveways?

.
-----------------------------------------------
WA. state, 1 mile south of the Canadian border,
I am not at the end of the world, but you can see it from here.
'66 Monza Coupe - 4spd, 140 Daily driver beater
'67 Monza Vert. - PG, 140 Daily driver beater

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Date: January 10, 2018 08:42PM

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
~ George Carlin ~


Dan Davis ~ Pierce County, WA ~ CORSA Western Director + Corvairs NW + North Cascades Corvairs + Corvanatics
1966 Corsa Turbo coupe ~ ~ 1966 140 Corsa ~ ~ 1965 Monza 140/4 'Vert Sierra Tan/Fawn ~ 1964 Monza 'Vert (SOLD) ~ 1960 Monza Ermine White/Red PG ++ ~ 1965 Monza 140/4 Evening Orchid w/ ivory/black interior ~ 1962 Monza Wagon 102/4 ~ 1963 Rampside/Scamper ~ 1963 Red/Greenbrier ~ 1969 Ultra Van #468

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: Lane66m ()
Date: January 11, 2018 04:32PM

Something for today to smile at.

Al Lane
Ellabell GA

1966 Monza Coupe, 110 hp, 4 Spd
1968 Camaro SS Coupe 350 CI 295+ HP PG
1964 Greenbrier Deluxe, 6 dr, 80 hp car engine, PG
2015 Chevrolet Malibu 2LT
2015 GMC Sierra SLT Crew Cab
1947 Farmall A tractor 15 hp


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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: Caraholic4life ()
Date: January 18, 2018 01:46PM

OK all, I'm adding to the thread with a post I saw that an acquaintance of mine on another site posted recently. Below is a cut and paste with no editing:

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because
it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said
to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The
other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a
root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the
hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in
ten did.

1965 Monza Coupe
Westminster, Maryland

MID ENG enthusiast &
prior Kelmark owner.

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: Caraholic4life ()
Date: January 18, 2018 01:50PM

Here is another one from the same site. I realize there isn't any "automotive content" but it is still applicable to our lives in my opinion.

Again, a cut and paste:

I never really liked the terminology "Old Farts" but this makes me feel better about it.
And if you aren't one, I'll bet you know one!
I got this from an "Old Fart" friend of mine!
OLD FART PRIDE
It's not a bad thing to be called an Old Fart.
Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the National Anthem, Old Farts remove their hats and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
Old Farts remember World War II, Normandy , Spitfires and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Bomb, Vietnam , the Korean War, the Cold War, the Moon Landing and all the Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005.
If you bump into an Old Fart on the pavement, he will apologise. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are polite, particularly to women.
Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old Farts get embarrassed if someone swears in front of women and children and they don't like any filthy language on TV.
Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag except about their children and grandchildren.
It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the Air Force, Army, and Navy.

This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

We need them now more than ever.

Thank Goodness for Old Farts!

Pass this on to all the "Old Farts" you know.

I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them.

1965 Monza Coupe
Westminster, Maryland

MID ENG enthusiast &
prior Kelmark owner.

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: 67 airvair ()
Date: January 19, 2018 01:11PM

A Falcon nesting in a tree.

Finally, a good use for those weird spoilers!

And a Post Car!

-Mark

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: Wagon Master ()
Date: January 19, 2018 01:36PM

If your traveling at the speed of light in your Monza/Corsa clone with argent cove area, and turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

'64 Monza Coupe 140 4 speed
'61 700 Lakewood 95 4 speed
'69 Monza Convert. 140 Auto.

Been aircooled since 1973
Northwest Ohio

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Re: Let's Lighten the Mood - Semi-OT - Car Humor smiling bouncing smiley
Posted by: Caraholic4life ()
Date: January 19, 2018 02:23PM

Wagon Master Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If your traveling at the speed of light in your
> Monza/Corsa clone with argent cove area, and turn
> on the headlights, does anything happen?

Hey,,,,,that Falcon photo looks familiar.grinning smiley

[corvaircenter.com]

Re: part wanted; 140 h.p. left side exhaust hanger
Posted by: Caraholic4life ()
Date: March 16, 2017 05:38PM

1965 Monza Coupe
Westminster, Maryland

MID ENG enthusiast &
prior Kelmark owner.

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